Finding allies.
You are who you spend most of your time with. Stop and think about that. In a tribe, we adapt to those around us to build camaraderie and strengthen the group. We mimic behaviors, language, and attitudes. Over time, we develop and share similar beliefs and gravitate toward others who do the same. Our long-term survival, success, and opportunity to thrive depend on it. This phenomenon isn’t new. We’re continually adopting these habits throughout our lives, and we can leverage these skills when embarking on a new path. Allies lie within these tribes. These unique individuals support you and hold you accountable for what you say you’re going to do. They believe in you as much, sometimes more, than you believe in yourself. That’s why it is so important to identify them and bring them into your inner circle.
Once you figure out who you are and where you want to go, finding others who share similar values can be an advantage. These can be friends, a mentor or coach, or a support group reaching for similar goals. Building new habits doesn’t require reinventing the wheel; sometimes, we begin by copying the behaviors of others. The key is identifying who they are and how they got started and attained success. You can’t shortcut the work it will take, but you can save time by avoiding the known obstacles and pitfalls. Think of it as someone who has traveled down the same path and drew a map of the terrain. You benefit from using that map and making personal changes based on your unique experiences.
An ally is someone who will support but not enable you. We all enjoy positive feedback, but a faithful ally will tell you when you’re doing something counterproductive to your goal. This isn’t a small thing. Friends can be good allies, but they can also fall short because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or say something that may upset you. That’s why finding others who are facing similar challenges make better allies. Like good friends, they have your best interests in mind but will push you through tough times and are less likely to accept defeat. Friends can be allies, but not all allies will be your friends.
Shared experience is powerful when building relationships, which a good ally will bring. A good coach or mentor will be invested in your success and prepared for the negative feelings and emotions that come with challenges they’ve already had. They will hold you accountable to your stated goals while providing knowledge, guidance, and support to keep you on track. The right support group accelerates your progress by sharing real-time knowledge and experience.
Honesty, trust, and transparency are essential when finding and looking for allies. You should know your faults and fears that hinder success and share those thoughts with the people supporting you. Pretending to be something you’re not or avoiding difficult conversations serves no purpose other than hiding from what’s real. Allies want to hear the hard truth.
Influential allies provide insights and guidance for what lies ahead. You can avoid obstacles and be prepared for the ones you can’t. You may find that you have the skills and abilities to progress or discover areas that need improvement. The right ally can reinforce your strengths and expose weaknesses you didn’t know you had.
You may find that your best supporters are people very unlike yourself. Spending most of your time surrounded by like-minded people rarely reveals an outlier. When we stretch outside our comfort zone and broaden our perspective to the ideas and beliefs of others, we may discover people very different from ourselves. Taking time to acknowledge and understand these differences can catalyze shared growth.
Choose your allies wisely. You must know yourself to know who will make the best ally for whatever you’re working toward. There are different ways to approach challenges, and finding the right fit is essential. You may prefer someone direct, to the point, and doesn’t waste time on unnecessary distractions. Or maybe you choose someone who takes the time to dig into the feelings and emotions accompanying challenging goals. Whatever your preference, ensure that whatever ally you share your goals with understands what it takes to motivate and support you effectively.
Our ability to adapt and survive can sometimes depend on the quality of the people we surround ourselves with. The ability to thrive depends on the allies we choose to associate with. Finding the right allies is critical when we select challenging goals and accept the struggle and suffering that go along with them. We can, and many do, succeed without the support of others. However, the satisfaction of being self-made comes at the sacrifice of building strong connections with others who are also invested in your success.