Worry about yourself.

We’re relatively unrestricted in our choices, short of negatively impacting others.  Rules disincentivize behaviors the culture deems wrong or incongruent with a healthy and happy population.  Aside from those, we are responsible for taking ownership of our choices and the outcomes those choices bring.  These decisions impact our daily lives, but we tend to gloss over the fundamental nature of how their cumulative effect can drive us toward happiness or despair.  To make effective choices, we must know the root values, beliefs, and habits that provide the foundation for them.  Instead of being influenced by the latest trend, we need to discover our deep-seated values, what they are, and where they came from.  Spending less time worrying about what was or what could be and more time digging into the foundation of what makes us who we are in this moment.

Deep introspective work is a process employed and repeated over a lifetime.  We can start with early memories and dig into what those meant and how they affected our future beliefs and choices. Then, with diligent effort, we work forward but shouldn’t expect our prior epiphanies to take hold immediately.  With so many past decisions made on misperceived experiences, the bias to default to those decisions is stronger than the fortitude to remap choices based on improved understanding.  But we can modify these past experiences when we ingrain new habits, increase self-awareness and prioritize personal responsibility.

When we make a choice, we reinforce opting for it in the future, depending on the outcome.  Positive outcomes support good decisions, while negative outcomes do the opposite.  Perspective plays a role; I wrote about this in a past essay.  But the sheer number of choices we make daily, over 30,000, is mainly by default, and we don’t have the resources to evaluate each for efficacy.  We must narrow our focus to the fundamental few that leverage the choices that follow.

A simple fundamental choice is what time you decide to wake up.  This decision sets the tone for the entire day, which could lead to a positive or negative week, depending on the outcome.  If you wake up with enough time to fully prepare for the day, whatever that process may be, the following choices will be built on a solid foundation and likely better.  There are many choices like this over a day, week, or month.  You’re responsible for identifying these choices, how they lead to positive or negative outcomes, and leveraging them to help you move in the direction you want.

Choices result in outcomes.  Some we anticipate, some we don’t.  If we’re making rational choices based on experience with the intent to obtain a positive outcome, we usually consider short-term versus long-term. For example, waking up early may be a challenge at the start. Still, if you anticipate this and make the necessary adjustments (going to bed earlier), you will adapt and obtain the benefits of more uninterrupted time.  Another example, losing weight takes time, and you don’t see visible improvement in the short term.  That doesn’t mean your body isn’t getting healthier or even changing, but the changes may be so small that visibly seeing the improvement isn’t possible.  Maintaining a long-term outlook is essential. Short-term sacrifices can lead to more significant and lasting rewards.

There’s a famous and commonly cited study called “The Marshmallow Experiment.”  In short, a child was brought into a room and sat in front of a marshmallow.  The child was offered an immediate reward of a marshmallow or could have two marshmallows if they waited an unspecified amount of time.  The child was left alone in the room for about 15 minutes while an observer watched their behavior.  Children who could resist the temptation of the marshmallow generally experienced better life outcomes relating to health, education, and other areas. In addition, they could withstand the short-term pain of resisting the marshmallow for the long-term gain of two marshmallows: a simple experiment but an important discovery in self-control methods.  Children employed different strategies to distract themselves from eating the marshmallows.  These strategies included sniffing the marshmallow, closing their eyes, singing to themselves, etc.  A more recent 2020 study challenged the ability to predict long-term outcomes from this experiment, but the strategies and tactics used to delay gratification remain.

We’re all faced with our own circumstances and environments, and we’re responsible for our choices in response to those.  The available resources or our abilities may limit our options, but whatever we choose is a decision we must own.  This may seem unfair, which it sometimes is.  Others start with more and better resources, you may have to work harder for the same result, or you may not have the same opportunities someone else does.  But pointing fingers and blaming rarely result in a more favorable outcome, and no one ever said life was fair. Instead, understand who you are and what choices you need to make to move your life in the direction you want it to go.  Limit short-term pleasure for long-term success, stop worrying about what others may think or do, and reflect on the choices you need to change.